As I read a copy of, The 21st Century’s Guide
to Casual Sex, began thinking how
guilty women are of doing some of the exact same behavior as described in the
book. No I won’t go into sorted details because I actually want you to read it.
But I will say this, as women we are just as bad as men when it comes to using
the opposite sex.
As women the use of men may be in different ways, using
someone doesn’t always have to mean sexually. Some use men to fill a the void
of not getting attention from men in their lives, others prefer their money or
lavish gifts and more often than not a woman will take a million compliments
from a man she has no interest in simply because he is willing to tell her what
she wants to hear. No woman can dispute the fact that sometimes we use them for
our own selfish reasons. Yet, we continuously hate on men for using us, is
because their needs of using us differ from our own?
You may remember that I wrote about having the horrible sex
with the man in the Christmas boxers, if I didn’t tell you then I’m telling you
now, he was a marine. What does it
matter, at the time I didn’t think it did. What does one military service have
over another? I have no idea, though they will tell you (in any branch) that
one is obviously more superior than the other, coming back to that whole whose
penis is bigger macho argument. When I would say a penis is a penis, you both
have one get over it. That’s how I felt about the military; you all serve the
same country, you all are wonderful services to the American people now let’s
move on. However, after I met Man and went out with him not once, not twice but
three times I would have to say that Marines are now at the bottom of my list,
holding a very close second the Navy for obvious past relationship reasons.
The sad part of this situation is that I don’t even remember
Man’s name. And the only clever nick name I could give him was “Man” and simply
because he had a pet dog that he referred to as “Dog” so it seems suitable to
refer to him as “Man”. I remember he had amazing blue eyes and was a very
smooth talker. He reminded me slightly of someone I once loved so I really and
I mean REALLY tried to like him. After all he did make it past one date. That’s
got to count for something.
Well Man was as I said an active Marine, made decent money
as shown by his material items and the way he dressed and smelled (nothing
better than a man who smells good, he can be a bum as long as he smells good
instant bonus points). He was also a gentleman in public opening not only doors
to the buildings for me but my car door as well as I slid down into his Audi
TT. He would hold out his hand as he opened the car door to help me out and
then even walk hand in hand with me into the fancy dinning places we always
ended up. He had game or he really liked me, but there was something that I was
lacking. There was something that I couldn’t figure out on dates one or two.
Why after having decent dates and intelligent conversation couldn’t I like “Man”.
I sought advice from every friend I had: female, male, lesbian, gay it didn’t
matter they all said the same thing “There’s no chemistry, Single girl get over
it and move on.”
But I wanted there to be chemistry. I wanted to like Man
because he was good to me, he treated me well and he was pretty awesome
standing next to. Arm and arm I’d say we could have been a power couple and
taken on the world but when it came to sparks and butterflies I couldn’t find
them. The things that he did that I enjoyed couldn’t compare to the things men
that I had loved without all the money without all the materialistic possessions
and flashy dining did for me. So I had two choices, I could be upfront with Man
and tell him he was amazing and I knew a million girls that would kill to be
with him or I could have sex with him and hope to find that attraction that I
was missing. Think, think, think… what’s
a single girl to do?
My logic who really believes those speeches about being
awesome and anyone being lucky to have you… and after all before you decide to
buy a car you test drive it to make sure you like it and if you’re still unsure
maybe you take it around one more block,
right? Logically, Single girl isn’t always right. But just like men, we do
things that are irrational and may look a lot like “using” from the outside. I
wouldn’t call it that, more like a match. If a match doesn’t light up on fire
the first time you try again, second time you try again and third time well you
hope you get a spark. Man was my match and I was looking for fire. And as we
all know when you play with fire you’re going to get burned.
After another wonderful spark-less date, Man came back to my
house and he picked a movie for us to watch on Netflix. (Which I have to add,
that I truly from the bottom of my heart do LOVE my Netflix. See how easily we
toss the word love around…) I think he chose the original Night of the Living
Dead or something along that nature. For normal people that may not have been
the right setting for anything sexual but I’m not typical I love horror movies
and I had seen it before, winning!
On my couch Man sat with me as I snuggled up to him, I was going
to have to make the first move. Oh, what’s this? Man may be a gentle man
outside but when it came time to get down to business he knew exactly what
buttons to push. So, I’m thinking this is going to work out perfectly. Through
the house we go and make it into my bedroom. I played the victim “We shouldn’t
be doing this.” and “We need to wait.” Men like to think they’re able to seduce
us, it’s a powerful thing to encourage someone to have sex with you when they’re
trying so hard not to. But in my mind I was like ok let’s get this on. Let’s go
Man show me what you’ve got. He wasn’t using me, I was using him.
The sex was a complete failure, I faked it to be done
(because he wanted to make sure that I came and enjoyed myself before he did)
and then it happened. He came, the flood gates opened and it was a torrential down
poor. Then something hit me, the smell was terrible. His spunk and all its fury
smelled like something dying, something that I cannot even begin to describe.
Death and garbage filled my room and I immediately hopped up to head to
bathroom to clean myself off. I was disturbed and disgusted what in the hell
had just happened how could and odor so bad come from a man who during normal
day smelled so good? I showered I had to
get it away I had to make the smell stop.
After a thorough scrubbing I went back to my bedroom and the
smell lingered. He lay there in my bed and apparently had no intention of
leaving. I stumbled around what to say and asked him if he had to work in the morning
(knowing very well that he did in fact have to report about 0700. He asked me
to set my alarm for him. Think quick single girl think quick…..
“Since you have to be up so early… why don’t you take a
shower so you won’t have to get up earlier?” One of two things are going to
happen, he’s going to say no politely leave or he’s going to shower and I can
de-funk my bed. Of course he chose to shower. I spent that short ten minutes
disinfecting my entire room. Thank God for Lysol! When I say everything I mean
everything I sprayed my bed, sheets, pillows and anything near my bed that
could have been contaminated. He came
back, curled up next to me and I cringed. He didn’t smell, the room didn’t
smell but once you smell something so terrible it’s stuck in your nose forever.
I didn’t sleep well. Off and on I would wake up and still find Man completely
content curled up to me in bed.
When my alarm went off for him, I expected a nice goodbye I’ll
talk to you later, have a great day at work. What did I get?
“Single girl, I’ve got time to kill how about another go at
it?”
Single girl got morning sex. And even after two completely
clean bodies the smell returned. He kissed me goodbye and I began my ritual of
showering until my skin fell off. This time I threw my sheets away. Sprayed Lysol
on my mattress and my entire room once again, then never returned a text from
him.
How do you tell a guy I can’t date you because your sperm
makes me want to throw up? What would you say if someone said “Your spunk is
funky!”
I can only be thankful for one thing, that I didn’t take the
south route,( which I normally enjoy) before going straight into having sex.
Two marines, two bad sexually experiences? It can’t be a coincidence,
it must be a Marine thing.
*side note I just remembered his name ( I felt bad for a
minute…)
I have guarded my vagina like Fort Knox, no one is getting
in there without references and identification but now I wonder why. My clever Mother tried to tell me that a good
guy wouldn’t want to be with a girl who has been around the block so many times
or that “gives it up right away” and that may be true in some cases. Even
though when I asked her about it she was stumped and had to think extremely
hard about a good reason to discourage me from becoming a 30 year old sexual
prowess.
